Thursday, February 22, 2007

Holy fuck

I get the feeling I am way too nice sometimes. I get the feeling I am way too complacent. I get the feeling I've been getting FUCKED OVER WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH LATELY.

I just spent the past 2 hours nodding and saying "oh really? That's cool." to an explanation of how a game, specifically, Diablo II, works. Sad thing is, I already know how it works, I know how to play the game, I'm just too kind to tell an old man that I'm honestly not that interested in it. But, I sat there, and I took it, because his words of "it's lonely, y'know, even when I'm surrounded by my family, when I'm surrounded by people I love, and that love me, I still feel alone." They still burn in my mind. It's like "holy shit, this man is me." So I'm going to give him the courtesy and the company he wants, because I owe him at least that much, if not so much more.
He's also decided to teach me martial arts. Which is awesome, but shitty at the same time, but it means an early retirement from drugs. I don't know, I know I've been dying to learn since I found out what they were, and unlike in a class, I'll be getting personal training from a man who's killed people in more ways then I can count (and I can count for a long fucking time). So yeah, I'm super excited about that, but it's going to be difficult. I wonder if weekend's is okay?

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Is it over yet?

Oh GOD this weekend sucked.

Friday, as I'm making myself a fancy pesto pasta dish, since I've been watching food network a lot (I'm such a dork), I get a phone call from Adam (I'm not even going to bother with psuedonames here.) He'd been diligently working, trying to find someone who may have wanted to purchase acid, since he'd finally gotten a hold of an old friend who knew the process. I managed to drop my ladel, and jump around in glee, since I'd all but given up on my search. I decided to purchase 6 hits, one for each of the group and myself as well, for 120 dollars. Yeah, it was expensive, but what did I care? My friends have always been there for me, and I needed to do something to pay them back, and show them how much it meant to me that they put up with me every weekend. So, how'd I come up with 120 dollars in less than a day? I sold my guitar. Matt had been bugging me for a while to sell him my guitar, at a lowered price, and I finally had a real need for the money. So, money in hand, I give Adam the money, and hang at PartyHardy's for a while, to wait out the time it'd take for Adam to get back with the goods.
Eventually we got bored, and decided to go get a bag. We left, hunted one down, and rolled up a nice strawberry blunt to enjoy at the park. When we arrived back at PartyHardy's, we'd apparently just missed Adam! God damn my luck. As my luck seemed to have disappeared completely, it took us another freaking hour to find his stupid ass.

But lo and behold, he had it. In his little kit, he had a little folded up piece of aluminum foil, with 6 itty bitty pieces of paper lying inside. I swear, angels were singing. He was desperate for us to drop at his place, so that he may score a hit, but we decided to go to Enigma's--who lived just down the road. I decide to take two of my hits--Enigma waiting to take his until later, and PartyHardy dropping one.

We wait for close to an hour. NOTHING. I'm starting to get a little ticked, so I decide "Eh, what the hell." and drop my third one.
I eventually can't stand it anymore, and decide to go driving around. I know--stupid, especially since it was snowing-hard, and I had no idea if the acid was going to hit me, and if it did while driving, I was pretty much screwed. But, that didn't matter, I was on a mission of self discovery! Or so I told the crew. I mostly just wanted french fries :\. I made a quick stop at home for a shower and a "See you later!" to my mom, and I was gone. As I trudged the whole way back to TheEnigma's, my blood began to boil. "I was ripped...120 dollars..this is the last time..the last time.." became my mantra. Now remember--I'm an easy going hippy, at least most of the time. But I wanted blood.
As my luck would also have, it, as I pulled into TheEnigma's driveway, I find out...THEY AREN'T THERE. So, that means, I have to drive to the next town over, which is 20 miles away. And also, just to show me how much he loves me, God decides that he should start a BLIZZARD! There was snow, and rain, and crappy roads, for 20 miles, worried I may start an acid trip any minute, driving to find where the fuck my friends ran off to.
As soon as I get to PsychoNot's pad, I see the car's about to leave. Great. That means I have to drive ALL the way back to TheEnigma's. Enigma, PartyHardy, and some weird kid decide to all pile into my shitty car, and we manage to make it back without dying. However, my car made some funny noises--I decided to ignore that. 9 people go upstairs, and I promptly start rolling another blunt, with quivering hands, since I'm so angry and frustrated I'm about to strangle any of the nine people there. The night progresses without a flaw afterwards. I'm not entirely sure what happened during that time, but Loyalty informed me that Enigma had kicked him out of his (Enigma's) room, so I go and lay down next to him, he wraps me in his arms, and I fall asleep to soft kisses to my forehead.

The next day, I'm jolted awake by his mom pushing on the both of us to wake up, since apparently there were 9 strange people in her house, and PsychoNot needed a ride to work. We tried shaking her off, and she left, only to be replaced by Matt dangling Enigma's keys over our heads, threatening to steal the car. I promptly kicked him in the stomach (not too hard) and layed on top of Enigma so he couldn't escape and I'd have to wake up and walk out into the cold winter. But, eventually, we all had to go, to drop off PsychoNot, play some pool, and generally hang out.
PartyHardy decided he wanted to go home, which was alright since I was going to be passing his house anyway. Matt and the strange kid also piled in, and as we head out, I notice the "CHECK ENGINE" light on my car. Uh oh. As we just make it to PH's, it died. There wasn't a sputter, it didn't die with a bang, no, it just kind of stopped running and wouldn't start up again, and the piece of shit decided to roll down the road some before stopping. Well great. Enigma's already on his way out, doesn't have his cell phone, I have no idea how to fix a car, and I'm pretty much stranded. So, I have to call my mom. Thaat was glorious. She drove me home, the car was towed. Apparently, the altenator belt decided to come off or some shit, but didn't manage to break. God, that sucked.
The rest of that saturday was spent at home, sleeping, since I basically chalked this weekend up to bad karma for all the amazing weekends I'd had. Best not push my luck with actually going outside. Sunday, I went to Enigma's to just inform him on my car dying, smoked a couple of fags with him on the porch, a kiss goodbye, and it was back home.

Well, that was my weekend. I have leftover pizza to go and eat, and then maybe hide in a makeshift bunker until monday, lest a meteor decides to bonk me in the forehead.


Later days

Monday, November 06, 2006

I wish

I wish I could write a book, a magnificent book,
one filled with intricate detail,
vivid imagery,
and deep
passionate emotions.

I wish I could tell a story,
a story about my friends.

I wish the characters in my story
could be half as amazing as the people
that they are based off of.

I wish I could make you, the reader
feel as much love for the characters in my story
as I do for the people they are based off of.

I wish.
I wish.
I wish.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Squonk squonk

Ugh. Last week's 'party' is still affecting me, with stuffy nose and flu-like symptoms, and already it's time for another one. I'm actually tempted to get booze for this one, since it's been so long since I've drank....maybe not. I don't know.

My room is starting to resemble that of a...well, quite frankly that of a hell hole. I've had like no time to clean it, seeing as the only time I'm ever home anymore is for around 5 hours to try and grab some sleep for school...and that's if I come home. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but my mom's been getting a bit ticked about it...blah.

...*nods off*...*snnrk*...
....................*drooldrool*....

I'm so god damn tired. Last night I crashed at PsychoNot's pad, which was a blast. I've never really had a chance to talk with him much, and it was nice to feel like he was an actual friend instead of an acquaintance. We talked for hours about random shit, and laughed for what seems just as long at the stupid shit we were talking about. I <3 doing that.

So, as expected, now I talk about Enigma. I haven't seen him in a couple days (okay, 2), and I'm hoping he hasn't died...PsychoNot and I tried to warn him not to do too many uppers for too long a period of time, but I guess he'll learn...everyone learns their lesson. PsychoNot put it the most accurately "Have to make the mistake before the lesson is learned."
At PartyHardy's halloween bash, he acted strangely, though...everyone has. The story? It's like everyone sees us as dating now. I had to pick up SnowWhite and Dreadlocks, so Enigma and PsychoNot came along for the ride. PsychoNot didn't expect Enigma to come, and started getting into the front seat of my car, but when Enigma walked up, he got out, and went into the back...(Our rule of thumb is whoever's dating/fooling around with the driver gets shotgun). And when I left the party, he got up from the smoker's circle, and followed me out so he could kiss me and say drive safe, and request that I send him a message when I get home so we could talk some more.

Now, see, normally I'd be giddyhappystupid about this kind of treatment, but we aren't dating. At least, I think? I'm so confused. I'd talk to the kid about it if I didn't get a slight case of PARALYSIS every time I try to bring the subject up. It's not even like I care that much, I'd just like his point of view on things. What I'm most afraid of, though, is that what if I ask him and he gets scared or gets uncomfortable with the way things are in case he doesn't want to hurt me/lead me on? I don't know, I just don't know...

Lately I've been getting a lot more random compliments, and it's kind of scary. I took my friend whom I don't have a name for down to the court house to meet her new boyfriend before his parole meeting, and apparently two of his friends (who were also in for either parole or meeting their lawyers...) thought I was hot, and my friend decided to give them my number. Groovy. Not only that, but her new boyfriend is now hitting on me, a guy from my sociology class has been calling me dollface and asking when we can hang out...all in all, it's a bit overwhelming. I know I'm not ugly, I guess, but my appearance hasn't really changed that much...so the question remains, what's going on, is this an elaborate prank or is there something in the water....?

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Calendar confusions

I find myself asking this question every few hours, completely and truthfully forgetting just what day it truly is. Reason? -It has honestly felt like friday for the past 4 days. This is...amazing!
For the past few months, I've kept myself in a vigorous schedule, maintaining repetition, being around certain people at times, being by myself at others. The great part, is that I'm always stretching my boundaries with my rules, staying out later then I should, keeping a fierce grasp on my independence. My dad basically doesn't give a shit what I do so long as I give him a convincing enough lie. Senior year is definitely tasting sweeter and sweeter.

I'm confused how to spend my free time anymore, though. Nothing keeps my attention anymore, games, movies, television...what to do?
I wish I could find my camera, just so I can at least something to keep mem---

Damn. I'm at a friend's house, but it is time to leave. I really don't want to, because I don't want this illusion of friday to end. Boo to the establishment!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Running out the door

I have a very busy day planned, full of skipping class and hanging with friends, but I just had to post the offline Enigma left me last night.

[03:14] Enigma: ok ok you have two choices, get out of my head, or come over right now, but both couldn't possibly happen, so im going to go take more addy's and pull and all nighter.... peace :)

I think my sinister plot to getting Enigma to fall in love with me is working :)

onto the rest of my day, yet I have so little time! I'm so tired, ugh, it's killing me. I have to run around all over the city tonight, I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. I have a serious aversion towards being around people, and lately it seems like I'm ALWAYS around them. My skin is constantly crawling, because they're very touchy feely. I'm beginning to think I may have a problem :( the only person I can stand to touch me is Enigma, everyone else feels alien. Or maybe I'm just the alien, haha. Anyway, I gotta run, I'll try and write a post that isn't obsessing over Enigma or bullshit like this was. Bye!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Teeheehee..

I vowed at around 4 this afternoon that I would go to bed early. I've been feeling a bit off lately, and just a few hours ago, I could literally see the walls, floor, and clocks melting. It was trippy. But, now it is midnight, and I IM'ing TheEnigma, and giggling like a 6 year old.

[23:55] TheEnigma: omg im so numb
[23:56] minx: hahah
[23:56] TheEnigma: i wish you were here to hit me with a brick or something it would be so fucking funny
[23:56] minx: haha, fuck the brick, i'll just use my shoes again :P
[23:56] TheEnigma: hehehe

"I wish you were here..." I love that. I'd just like to note, he's not one to show his emotions much. He's always made sure to never bait me too much, to give me too much notice of his feelings, as I do for him. It's just easier that way, what with the fact that he's still with his girlfriend. I'd rather not break them up. I feel bad for what I do, honest, I just...I've felt for him for so long. Anyway. He's careful with his words. Maybe it's because he's fucked up on the vicodins I sold him (I already know I'm going to hell), but for some reason that just doesn't really want to click with me.

"I'd rather not feel at all than be in continual pain. The only meaningful human interaction i get here and there, and it's not working." He posted this in his blog a few days ago, and it kind of hurt. I just don't know what to do, do I release some of my feelings more, be more like I want to be, instead of holding back?

He also posted "Seriously though, im glad you came to talk to me, and i think i knew where you were heading, but let's not destroy the family. I dont want to end up like the exiled. " Now, I'm not sure if he was talking to me or someone else. I just don't know, I just don't know...

At least I can enjoy the fact that he'll openly admit to me now that he misses me :) At least for the time being. I feel so bad for him...I feel sorry that his girlfriend is so mean to him. It hurts me to see him when he's depressed about her, drinking constantly to try and numb the pain. I'd rather him be with her and happy then with me and constantly thinking about her...I know that that's not good for him. Oh well. Enough about TheEnigma!

Over the course of the past couple of weeks, I have been busily trying to raise funds for my plans. I've decided I'm going to (attempt) to take over business in this town of mine, the drug business. I realize that at this point in my life, I have enough contacts with good enough sales that I can double my money every month, which is guaranteed, as I've already set up buyers for when I bring it up. So with little effort, in the next month I will have a little under an extra grand for spending money. When I eventually make prices absurdly low, and--

hehe, now I'm picking on him because he drinks like a gallon of milk a day. I told him he should invest in his own dairy cow, and apparently he is actually 'rofl'. I love making him laugh :)

--I'll still be making a profit, but now people won't need to scrounge so damn much for so little. Giving back to the people, man!

I lost my train of thought, being again distracted by you-know-who.

It is freezing in my room, I think i"m going to go turn myself into a burrito with my blankey. Hope everyone has sweet dreams and exciting days!